The Funeral

of my computer. Before anyone starts thinking it was a person, let me clarify that I am talking about an inanimate object. Although it is more to me personally than a mere object, I do not expect others to mourn with me.


It started on Monday morning. I got up, started the computer up like any other day and checked my email before I left to teach my morning class. When I got home, a couple hours later, the computer was behaving oddly. There was a site up asking me to buy antiviral protection. Along with a dozen little boxes telling me I was being invaded. Frantically, I used every little bit of computer knowledge I had to fix it. In other words, I called my brother Alan.

Alan has the skills to be a very serious hacker. Because he is a very honest person, he uses his powers for good. However, his family members and the FBI know who trained him and that person is in prison for, well let's just say that he is not quite as honest as Alan. By the way, Alan is not a hacker - the term would offend him.

Alan did not answer until late that evening. Apparently, some people have to work for a living. By then I was scared to turn on the machine. What transpired between the morning and the evening was me witnessing the general breakdown of everything. Every program, every button, every system restore was unable to open. I said a very bad word in front of my children. I told my children to put on their suits and jump in the pool because I was just getting started. They obeyed dutifully and went swimming outside while I went to work. Nothing. I tried everything. Finally I shut it down in fear that I would start losing documents. I called my husband. What to do? I called Geek Squad and made an appointment. They told me their next appointment was in two weeks. I started to cry. And I'm pretty sure I begged. They got me an appointment for Friday. I could wait four days.

I went outside to the pool and apologized to my children for my tantrum and bad language. (I had also blamed them since the problem started while I was gone.)

So what is the problem? Did you ever hear about the door-to-door security guy who tries to sell you a system and you say no. Then he comes and breaks in that night to show you why you need one. Then the next day you buy one? That is what this is. The software company sends out the virus when you say no to buying their program. It damages the program, but not the documents. All your stuff is safe so that when you do buy their stuff, it is an easy fix and then you can sing their praises 'cause all your stuff is saved.

I spent the next four days in a little depression funk. My daughters wanted to know why I was treating it like the death of a child: trust me, I would be much more upset over the death of a child. They wanted to know why that was all I could talk about ... to anyone willing to listen. Okay so maybe I am a little melodramatic. But that is just who I am. Deal with it. Embrace it.

The Geek Squad came and quoted me laughable prices. "So you are telling me that you can fix my five year old computer for more than what a new computer would cost ... and you would not guarantee it past 30 days?" "Are you serious?" "Do people actually pay that amount?" I paid the diagnostic fee of $129.99 and bid them adieu.

I called my brother. I am doing what I should have done in the first place. I am mailing him the tower to see what he can do. Whether he saves it at this point is not important to me. I just want my documents and pictures. After pricing new stuff, I can get a much better, newer computer for half the price of what we paid five years ago.

In the meantime, I am on the netbook that we purchased for McKayla for her to use in high school. I figured that any kid with the schedule she has, needs her own. Not to brag, but this girl is amazing with all her honors, Pre-AP classes. Okay, so I am bragging. That is just who I am. Deal with it. Embrace it.

Ryan says I can get anything I want. I think I need to get a laptop. He is a PC person, I am a Mac. We got a PC last time, because he bought it without my knowledge or consent. Since he is being a sweetie pie right now, we will see if I can convince him that a Mac would be the only thing that could truly make me happy.

Until then, I am growing to be a bigger fan of this little netbook. Not bad.